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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Fantasy

I have this weird fantasy.  I have normal ones, too: have my favorite Dallas Stars player (Marty Turco) fall in love with me and we run off and get married, and I get great massages from the team therapist; being incredibly successful and have everybody listen to me; attend game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals where the Dallas Stars win the cup.  Well, these are normal for me anyway.

I developed a new one very recently.  Since I went on medical leave from work in February, I have become obsessed with the TV series House.  My weird fantasy is to be treated by Dr. House, or someone closely resembling his attititude, acute observations, and absolute genius.

Why?  Because I'm sick!  And I'm sick of being sick, tired of being tired...and I want someone to find out why I am this way and fix it.  Even if he repeatedly calls me an idiot and liar.

I want someone to tell me it's not Fibromyalgia and it's not just my screwed up spine that is causing debilitating pain; constant and chronic fatigue; severe depression; headaches that are so bad that it hurts to rest my head against the pillow; muscle spasms in my neck, shoulders, upper arms, upper back, middle back, lower back, hips, buttocks, thighs, and calves...and feet; nerve pain so severe that I can trace exactly where the nerve runs through my body; etc.

Not that I don't believe in Fibromyalgia, I just want to know the underlying cause and have that treated so the rest of it goes away.

I have mentioned in a previous blog that I have ruled out a lot of other disorders and diseases.  I'm sure my doctor hates the fact that I have Internet and tend to research my symptoms to find out if my pain, and everything else, could be caused by something else.

My memory is not what it used to be, but I know we have ruled out hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, renal fatigue, renal failure, hormones, diabetes, food allgery, and rheumatoid conditions (arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, etc) through blood tests.  There were others, I'm sure.  But without my medical records in front of me, I cannot remember what they were.

With Dr. House, I would be tested for every known cause of chronic pain.  I just watched an episode in which a patient was admitted for severe leg pain and it turned out she had congestive heart failure (a disease which killed my father in September 2007).  Of course, she was also bulimic and relied heavily on ipicac, causing heart damage.

If I felt well enough, I would write the entire episode right here for your reading pleasure.  However, I didn't sleep much last night and my entire body has been in horrible pain since I decided to get out of bed because good, restful sleep wasn't in the stars for me.  It never is, but the past few days have been the worst.

But anybody who has ever seen the show knows the storyline: patient is admitted, House and team run new differentials for each new presenting or discovered symptom, patient in treated for many different diseases or disorders until he or she almost dies, then House's acute observation and amazing insight discovers the last piece of the puzzle and the patient is cured forever.

Yeah, I want that.  I want to be cured forever.

Is that too much to ask?

Gentle hugs and stay tuned,
Jessica

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